The problem that needs to be fixed is not kick all the girls out of YA, it’s teach boys that stories featuring female protagonists or written by female authors also apply to them. Boys fall in love. Boys want to be important. Boys have hopes and fears and dreams and ambitions. What boys also have is a sexist society in which they are belittled for “liking girl stuff.” Male is neutral, female is specific.
I heard someone mention that Sarah Rees Brennan’s THE DEMON’S LEXICON would be great for boys, but they’d never read it with that cover. Friends, then the problem is NOT with the book. It’s with the society that’s raising that boy. It’s with the community who inculcated that boy with the idea that he can’t read a book with an attractive guy on the cover.
Here’s how we solve the OMG SO MANY GIRLS IN YA problem: quit treating women like secondary appendages. Quit treating women’s art like it’s a niche, novelty creation only for girls. Quit teaching boys to fear the feminine, quit insisting that it’s a hardship for men to have to relate to anything that doesn’t specifically cater to them.
Because if I can watch Raiders of the Lost Ark and want to grow up to be an archaeologist, there’s no reason at all that a boy shouldn’t be able to read THE DEMON’S LEXICON with its cover on. My friends, sexism doesn’t just hurt women, and our young men’s abysmal rate of attraction to literacy is the proof of it.
If you want to fix the male literary crisis, here’s your solution:
Become a feminist.
Project for my Social Psych class last semester. This poster series was created to 1) challenge these internalized stereotypes by bringing them to the viewer’s attention and 2) expand the range of role models by including a diverse group of women. Each poster follows the same basic pattern: a woman who has demonstrated her competency in a particular area refutes the stereotype that appears above her in the form of “Girls can’t …”. While the posters target girls ranging from children to young adults, I expect the message would also cause people outside that demographic to question their own beliefs about women and power. I designed each aspect of the posters with several principles of social psychology in mind:
I noticed this post had lots of reblogs with comments like “people who abandon their pets suck!” etc. etc.
So here are some helpful resources instead of negativity! c: If you’re thinking about giving up your dog because he’s “too big”, take a second and see if you really mean any of these.
1. “He’s too big” really means “He physically knocks me down in the house/pulls me down on leash.”
Your dog needs training! There are several ways to train your dog to have good manners, but most dogs will respond well to positive reinforcement training. You can get a clicker for $0.99 at Walmart, Target, and Petco. Here are a few Youtube videos about preventing jumping and leash manners.
If you don’t feel confident enough to train your dog by using instructional videos or books, do a Google search for “dog training club [your town or zip code]” Training clubs are made up of people who enjoy training and titling their dogs, and who choose to offer classes for a small fee (usually about $10/class for group classes, more for private lessons). Training clubs offer classes on weeknights and weekends, usually in 6 or 8 week sessions.
If all else fails, sign up for positive reinforcement classes at your local Petco or PetSmart. Big box pet store obedience classes are better than no obedience classes at all.
2. “He’s too big” really means “This dog has too much energy! I can’t keep up!”
You have lots of options! First, exercise. The fastest, easiest way to drain your dog of energy is to provide him with both physical and mental exercise!
Fetch is great physical exercise, but dogs aren’t born knowing how to play fetch. You’ll have to teach them! Here’s an instructional video.
Taking your dog for a long walk, or multiple short walks, is another good source of physical exercise. You can even have your dog wear a backpack with a little weight on your walks (make them carry their own treats or water). This will tire them out more and give them a “job” to do. Be sure to have someone knowledgeable show you the proper fit and how to equally distribute weight if you choose to get your dog a backpack. It’s also a good idea to talk to your vet first, too. Here’s an example of a backpack on Amazon:
Mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise. Do several short training session a day to help drain your dog’s excess energy. Here’s a book with 101 tricks to teach your dog. I don’t own it, but have flipped through it in Petco a few times, and it looks pretty great to me.
Your dog will also love toys made specifically for mental stimulation. Most involve your dog figuring out how to get a treat out of the toy. Two we like:
If you feel that you don’t have time to give your dog all the exercise he needs, consider doggie daycare a couple days a week. This is exactly what it sounds like. Your dog will go to a facility built especially for dogs, where he’ll have supervised free play with other dogs, nap time, one on one time with a human, lunch (if you feed lunch) and snack time. Your dog will come home exhausted. Be sure to find a doggie daycare that temperament tests all dogs before letting them sign up.
If doggie daycare isn’t right for you, try hiring a dog walker. There are professional dog walkers, but a dog-savvy family member or friend will do just fine, too. Be sure to properly introduce them to your dog before giving them a key. Some dogs may not like a stranger coming into their home uninvited.
Spay/neuter your dog. Sometimes, spaying and neutering can help take the edge off your dog’s exuberance if he’s too much to handle. If your finances are holding you back from spaying/neutering, several vets and rescue groups provide low cost or free spay/neuter clinics. Search with your zip code at the ASPCA website to find a spay/neuter clinic nearest you:
3. “He’s too big!” really means “This dog eats too much.” or “Toys are too expensive.” or “Vet bills are outrageous!”
If your dog is eating you out of house and home, reevaluate the kind of food you’re feeding him. Generally, dogs will need to eat more of a crappy food and less of a good quality food to feel satisfied. (Their poops will also be smaller/easier to clean up on a good quality food. Bonus!) When choosing a food for your dog, look at the ingredient list on the back of the bag and pick one with meat as the first ingredient. Here is a website that lists the ingredients in most dog foods, and gives them a rating based on how healthy they are for your pet.
A food with a good solid source of protein and few fillers will make your dog healthier in the long run, and cut down on vet bills. Ask your vet to recommend a food better than the food you’re currently feeding, if you need guidance. (Be aware that some vets have an agenda and will aggressively push Hill’s Science Diet and that’s it. Find an honest vet you trust or contact a canine nutritionist.)
If you feel that you’re spending too much on dog toys, here’s a post with 33 dog toys you can make yourself, from stuff you probably have at your house already.
Some of these are no-nos at our house, like the rope toys, because our dog will eat rope. Supervise your dog and make sure he doesn’t eat parts of any toys. Ingesting things like plastic, string, and rubber can lead to vet visits.
If vet bills are depleting your bank account, you have a few options. First, ask your vet if they accept payment plans. Some will, some won’t, but it never hurts to ask! If your vet’s prices are too high, call around and price compare the services you use most often. Some vets charge less for annual vaccinations than others. Do your homework!
If you’re worried about future vet bills, pet insurance may be right for you. We don’t currently have pet insurance, but a simple Google search will bring up several options you can research to find a plan right for you and your pet.
4. “He’s too big” really means “I don’t want to put any more work into this dog. I’m done.”
This is okay. I won’t judge you, because I don’t know your situation. c: If your dog’s time with your family is done, consider these options before taking him to the pound or animal shelter.
First, contact your breeder. If you got your puppy from a reputable breeder, they may take your dog back. Most reputable breeders will take back one of their pups at any time, at any stage of their life, no-questions-asked. Our breeder’s exact words were “He’ll always have a home here.” Your breeder will solve any behavior problems your dog may have and find him a new home with someone they trust, or they may choose to keep him as their own. Our breeder keeps kennel space free “just in case”.
If your breeder won’t take your dog back, or if you got your dog from a backyard breeder, contact breed-specific rescue groups. Do your research and get some references before dropping your dog off to someone you don’t know. Here are two rescue groups that I think are pretty great, the first one in my area and the second one I follow for fun on Facebook.
If you can’t get your dog in with a breed-specific rescue group, or if you can’t find one you trust, try your local all-breed rescue group. If your community has a pound or shelter, I guarantee they have a rescue group. These groups regularly pull adoptable dogs from the animal shelter, take owner-surrenders, and pick up strays they see wandering. They place them in their network of foster homes and look for “furever homes” for the animals in their care. If they don’t have space for your dog, they’ll be happy to help you network your dog and help find him a home while he continues to live with you. You’ll be invited to attend adoption days where people can meet your dog, post your dog on their Facebook page, and get on a wait list for a foster home to open up.
If all else fails, and you choose to surrender your dog at the animal shelter, be sure to find a NO-KILL shelter. Your dog stands a good chance of finding another home there.
Please do not list your dog as “free to a good home” in the newspaper, on Craigslist, or on Facebook. He may end up being taken for a bait dog in a dog fighting ring, sold for animal testing, or just taken home and abused.
Good notes and resources!
Girl’s, I’m gonna tell you something about feminism that you probably haven’t been told yet. In fact, you’ve probably been told the complete opposite.
If you wanna dress up for male attention, that’s okay.
If you wanna dress up for your boyfriend, that’s okay.
If you wanna dress up like a naughty princess, or a naughty maid, or a naughty walrus, that’s okay.
If you want to fulfill his wildest dreams on your knees covered in glitter and butt ass naked, that’s okay.
If you feel like you don’t do enough to make him happy, and want to step up your game and make him feel like the king of the fucking world, that is okay.
As long as you’re doing it because you want to and you’re comfortable with it. It’s perfectly fine to want to make your guy happy, that does not make you less of a woman, or less of a feminist. If I had a guy, I’d want to do the same thing.
This has to be dude. Seriously. Nothing feminist about pandering to men, stop deluding yourself. Mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’ is a fucking joke and tpo be honest, quite the insult.
So I’m a dude because I don’t have a problem with trying to make a guy happy? Oops, turns out I’m not.
I’m actually a super attractive girl!
I’m gonna leave that there and focus on the last thing you said. “Mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’ is a fucking joke and tpo be honest, quite the insult.”
So, sex positivity is a joke? The idea that a woman has a right to sleep with whomever she wants whenever she wants without the judgement of others is a joke?
I can only assume what you meant by “choosy-choice” is a woman’s right to choose what she does, which is a massive point of feminism. That’s a joke? That’s insulting?
Usually I leave these things alone, ‘cause if people are bitching about something I said without even bothering to have a rational, mature conversation with me about it, they don’t want to hear anything I say, and just want to stick their fingers in their ears and sing “la la la”, so there’s really no point.
But if you think that a woman’s right to choose what and whom she does isn’t feminism, then you are missing the entire point of the movement, and to try to convince others of this is hurting our movement.
okay, i’ll bite.
knights-and-superheroes, it seems that you’ve been introduced to the tenets of feminism through a liberal feminist lens. liberal feminism is a lot of people’s introduction to feminism. it’s a very popular branch of feminism. when realmofvikings expressed discomfort with “mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’,” this is what they were referring to.
liberal feminism is not all bad - really! - but it has a lot of shortcomings, including the ones that realmofvikings touched on.
i’ll start with the reference to “choosy-choice” feminism. liberal feminism basically posits that if a woman makes a choice, then it is a feminist choice, full stop, end of discussion. for instance, if a woman married a man and chose to take his last name, a liberal feminist would look at that as an unequivocally feminist choice, despite the fact that taking a man’s name after marriage falls perfectly in line with oppressive, patriarchal expectations. kate harding has a great piece about this here, which i’ll quote in brief:
Look, you’re a feminist who, in this particular case, made the non-feminist choice. That’s all. I assume it was the right choice for you, or you wouldn’t have done it, and that’s fine! But feminism is not, in fact, all about choosing your choice. It is mostly about recognizing when things are fucked up for women at the societal level, and talking about that, and trying to change it. So sometimes, even when a decision is right for you, you still need to recognize that you made that decision within a social context that overwhelmingly supports your choice, and punishes women who make a different one.
when realmofvikings talked about rejecting “choosy-choice feminism,” this is what they were referring to: the idea that, basically, our individual choices don’t exist in a bubble, and are influenced by patriarchal oppression, and it’s very, very possible for a feminist to make a choice that is not productive, on a broad, social scale for women.
rejecting choice feminism isn’t about denying women the agency to make their own decisions. it’s about acknowledging that decisions aren’t made in a vacuum, and an individual woman’s level of comfort with her decision isn’t a good metric for whether that decision was oppressive or not.
let’s talk about sex-positive feminism for a second now. the debate on sex positivity has persisted in feminist circles for decades, and that debate shows no signs of letting up. it is a lot more complicated than “the idea that a woman has a right to sleep with whomever she wants without the judgement of others.”
essentially, sex-positive feminism as a political movement is about fighting the legal and cultural repression of sexual activity. and this is an admirable goal - really, it is! - until you consider that a lot of sex-positive feminist activist efforts are about endorsing things like pornography and sex work whole-cloth. this is where a lot of the debate occurs - and it’s a decades-long, complex, nuanced debate, more complicated than i or anyone else could summarize adequately in a tumblr post.
basically, sex-positive feminists (who overlap a lot with liberal “choice” feminists) say, “pornography and sex work are okay as long as everything occurs between consenting adults.” sex-negative feminists counter, “well, the patriarchy’s normalization of sexual violence has irrevocably warped the meaning of consent, and it’s incredibly naive to assume that every participant in pornography or sex work is not susceptible to harm and abuse and oppression.” pornography normalizes sexual violence, the vast majority of sex workers are abused (sexually, physically, and economically), and mainstream sex-positive rhetoric tends to ignore a l l of that.
liberal feminism and sex-positive feminism are also, both historically and currently, very, very white, grounded in cissexist and heterosexist thinking, and cater largely to the middle class. good feminism is intersectional, meaning that it takes into account the ways that different types of oppression (like misogyny, racism, transphobia, and classism, etc.) interact with one another.
it’s so, so great that you’re interested in feminism, but there is so, so much more to feminism than, “if you’re comfortable with it, then it’s fine.” it takes a long, long time to unlearn damaging ideas taught to us by the patriarchy, but educating yourself and questioning your beliefs is so, so worth it.
i hope that all of this has been helpful to you, and if you have any questions about anything that i’ve said or you want any resources in addition to the links i’ve sprinkled throughout this reply, feel free to ask me!
nonbinary people who are okay with gendered pronouns/names are still nonbinary and if a nonbinary person tells you they’re okay with gendered pronouns then it’s really not your place to say that their gender identity is less valid because of that, even if you yourself are nonbinary. Gender is different for everyone and there’s no “valid way” to be a certain gender the only validation you need is your own.
this won’t get 1% of the women’s version of this post.
the world we live in, and people in general don’t care about men. we are pretty much robots who aren’t allowed to show emotion. we’re taught from a young age that boys don’t cry.
fact is women are sexualised, men are idealised. because men can’t be raped because they’re big and strong right? right? yea, pretty much the idiots view of living.
signal boost this shit
this needs much more notes, people need to see this
The Best Birth Control In The World Is For Men by Jon Clinkenbeard
If I were going to describe the perfect contraceptive, it would go something like this: no babies, no latex, no daily pill to remember, no hormones to interfere with mood or sex drive, no negative health effects whatsoever, and 100 percent effectiveness. The funny thing is, something like that currently exists.
The procedure called RISUG in India (reversible inhibition of sperm under guidance) takes about 15 minutes with a doctor, is effective after about three days, and lasts for 10 or more years…
Oh, and when you do decide you want those babies, it only takes one other injection of water and baking soda to flush out the gel, and within two to three months, you’ve got all your healthy sperm again.
The trouble is, most people don’t even know this exists. And if men only need one super-cheap shot every 10 years or more, that’s not something that gets big pharmaceutical companies all fired up, because they’ll make zero money on it (even if it might have the side benefit of, you know, destroying HIV).
Janet Mock returns to Piers Morgan Live. (x)
My people are everything. Thank you for supporting me tonight. I exist among giants. I love you all.
This weekend, two students in my school committed suicide. A few upperclassmen got thousands of sticky notes and wrote nice sayings on them and put one on every single locker in the school in hopes of lifting everyone’s spirits and making sure everyone knows that they aren’t alone
You’d think this would be harmless enough, but right now its author is on the receiving end of some Anita Sarkeesian-style backlash.
According to its mission statement, the purpose of MedievalPOC is to “address common misconceptions that People of Color did not exist in Europe before the Enlightenment, and to emphasize the cognitive dissonance in the way this is reflected in media produced today.”
It’s become a popular resource during debates over the relative “realism” of everything from Disney’s Frozen to HBO’s Game of Thrones, and often receives messages from people asking for advice when researching racial diversity throughout history.
Last week, MedievalPOC reader tengokujin submitted a question about a video game called Kingdom Come: Deliverance, which is currently being marketed on Kickstarter as a “realistic single-player RPG set in medieval Europe” with “period accurate melee combat.” tengokujin asked MedievalPOC for information regarding any non-white ethnicities that might plausibly be included in the game, saying:
“I asked the devs if they plan on adding any NPCs of other-than-white-descent and received a polite reply of “[In Central Bohemia, there] were, unfortunately, almost none.” A casual search turns up the Mongols, so I figured there’s gotta be more. Do you have any sources or books that would indicate significant presence of other ethnicities?”
Basically, it was an academic question. Now seems like a good time to point out that there was no suggestion that the creators of Kingdom Come should be pressured into altering the content of their game.
MedievalPOC’s reply seemed somewhat unimpressed with the game’s lack of diversity, pointing out the lack of roles for female characters. “I can tell that representation really isn’t a priority there,” they wrote. “For example, their £600,000 goal of adding miniquests in which a female player character is even possiblecame after “Live Medieval In-Game Music” and “Symphonic Orchestra Soundtrack”, and remains unfulfilled as of yet. However, being able to “seduce local women” is already a part of the base game.”
Seems like a fairly accurate summations of the incident, and I appreciate the acknowledgement that I did just answer a question that I was asked.
But the relative accuracy of Kingdom Come may not even be relevant here. Yes, MedievalPOC’s blog is a goldmine of historical evidence that Medieval Europe wasn’t nearly as white as most people assume. But it’s still plausible for Kingdom Come not to feature any characters of color, particularly since, as one of its developers pointed out to a potential Kickstarter backer, the game takes place over a mere 9 square kilometers of land. Effectively, “historical accuracy” can be used to support both sides of the argument.
That’s totally true.
Which is why I’m trying to emphasize the fact that these were conscious choices made by the game developers, not some kind of force beyond their control. Nothing was stopping them from including people of color aside from their own choices.
The problem comes into focus when the developers make these kind of claims:
Warhorse called its system, “the ultimate character customization tool ever invented,” and added that your gear will get bloody and dirty as you slog your way through battles, and that many parameters of an avatar’s body can be altered.
That’s a pretty hefty claim to make along with the total exclusion of women and people of color.