Girl’s, I’m gonna tell you something about feminism that you probably haven’t been told yet. In fact, you’ve probably been told the complete opposite.
If you wanna dress up for male attention, that’s okay.
If you wanna dress up for your boyfriend, that’s okay.
If you wanna dress up like a naughty princess, or a naughty maid, or a naughty walrus, that’s okay.
If you want to fulfill his wildest dreams on your knees covered in glitter and butt ass naked, that’s okay.
If you feel like you don’t do enough to make him happy, and want to step up your game and make him feel like the king of the fucking world, that is okay.
As long as you’re doing it because you want to and you’re comfortable with it. It’s perfectly fine to want to make your guy happy, that does not make you less of a woman, or less of a feminist. If I had a guy, I’d want to do the same thing.
This has to be dude. Seriously. Nothing feminist about pandering to men, stop deluding yourself. Mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’ is a fucking joke and tpo be honest, quite the insult.
So I’m a dude because I don’t have a problem with trying to make a guy happy? Oops, turns out I’m not.
I’m actually a super attractive girl!
I’m gonna leave that there and focus on the last thing you said. “Mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’ is a fucking joke and tpo be honest, quite the insult.”
So, sex positivity is a joke? The idea that a woman has a right to sleep with whomever she wants whenever she wants without the judgement of others is a joke?
I can only assume what you meant by “choosy-choice” is a woman’s right to choose what she does, which is a massive point of feminism. That’s a joke? That’s insulting?
Usually I leave these things alone, ‘cause if people are bitching about something I said without even bothering to have a rational, mature conversation with me about it, they don’t want to hear anything I say, and just want to stick their fingers in their ears and sing “la la la”, so there’s really no point.
But if you think that a woman’s right to choose what and whom she does isn’t feminism, then you are missing the entire point of the movement, and to try to convince others of this is hurting our movement.
okay, i’ll bite.
knights-and-superheroes, it seems that you’ve been introduced to the tenets of feminism through a liberal feminist lens. liberal feminism is a lot of people’s introduction to feminism. it’s a very popular branch of feminism. when realmofvikings expressed discomfort with “mainstream sex-pozzie choosy-choice ‘feminism’,” this is what they were referring to.
liberal feminism is not all bad - really! - but it has a lot of shortcomings, including the ones that realmofvikings touched on.
i’ll start with the reference to “choosy-choice” feminism. liberal feminism basically posits that if a woman makes a choice, then it is a feminist choice, full stop, end of discussion. for instance, if a woman married a man and chose to take his last name, a liberal feminist would look at that as an unequivocally feminist choice, despite the fact that taking a man’s name after marriage falls perfectly in line with oppressive, patriarchal expectations. kate harding has a great piece about this here, which i’ll quote in brief:
Look, you’re a feminist who, in this particular case, made the non-feminist choice. That’s all. I assume it was the right choice for you, or you wouldn’t have done it, and that’s fine! But feminism is not, in fact, all about choosing your choice. It is mostly about recognizing when things are fucked up for women at the societal level, and talking about that, and trying to change it. So sometimes, even when a decision is right for you, you still need to recognize that you made that decision within a social context that overwhelmingly supports your choice, and punishes women who make a different one.
when realmofvikings talked about rejecting “choosy-choice feminism,” this is what they were referring to: the idea that, basically, our individual choices don’t exist in a bubble, and are influenced by patriarchal oppression, and it’s very, very possible for a feminist to make a choice that is not productive, on a broad, social scale for women.
rejecting choice feminism isn’t about denying women the agency to make their own decisions. it’s about acknowledging that decisions aren’t made in a vacuum, and an individual woman’s level of comfort with her decision isn’t a good metric for whether that decision was oppressive or not.
let’s talk about sex-positive feminism for a second now. the debate on sex positivity has persisted in feminist circles for decades, and that debate shows no signs of letting up. it is a lot more complicated than “the idea that a woman has a right to sleep with whomever she wants without the judgement of others.”
essentially, sex-positive feminism as a political movement is about fighting the legal and cultural repression of sexual activity. and this is an admirable goal - really, it is! - until you consider that a lot of sex-positive feminist activist efforts are about endorsing things like pornography and sex work whole-cloth. this is where a lot of the debate occurs - and it’s a decades-long, complex, nuanced debate, more complicated than i or anyone else could summarize adequately in a tumblr post.
basically, sex-positive feminists (who overlap a lot with liberal “choice” feminists) say, “pornography and sex work are okay as long as everything occurs between consenting adults.” sex-negative feminists counter, “well, the patriarchy’s normalization of sexual violence has irrevocably warped the meaning of consent, and it’s incredibly naive to assume that every participant in pornography or sex work is not susceptible to harm and abuse and oppression.” pornography normalizes sexual violence, the vast majority of sex workers are abused (sexually, physically, and economically), and mainstream sex-positive rhetoric tends to ignore a l l of that.
liberal feminism and sex-positive feminism are also, both historically and currently, very, very white, grounded in cissexist and heterosexist thinking, and cater largely to the middle class. good feminism is intersectional, meaning that it takes into account the ways that different types of oppression (like misogyny, racism, transphobia, and classism, etc.) interact with one another.
it’s so, so great that you’re interested in feminism, but there is so, so much more to feminism than, “if you’re comfortable with it, then it’s fine.” it takes a long, long time to unlearn damaging ideas taught to us by the patriarchy, but educating yourself and questioning your beliefs is so, so worth it.
i hope that all of this has been helpful to you, and if you have any questions about anything that i’ve said or you want any resources in addition to the links i’ve sprinkled throughout this reply, feel free to ask me!